Back from Emmaus

aka Urbana-Champaign
@ the University of Illinois in the form of the 15th Nat'l CFC Youth Leaders Conference

aka Antioch and Chicago
@ a couple of basements and hour-long train rides in the form of the 2nd Nat'l SHOUT Leaders Retreat

a whole bunch o' news for everyone before I call it a night:

This past week has been stunning (if I were forced to describe it, which, in this case, I am).
I wasn't exactly feeling the power of Conference like past years, although I did notice I was more open to my fellow attendees and there was definitely more bonding with each other, I failed to really feel it with God. Sans one worship which I feel I cannot really go into detail. It was another great experience and I can genuinely say I had load of fun and enjoyment- without really being there for the right reasons. I was slighty perturbed by somethings. Trivial bits that irked me and kept my off my game a bit. But we move on, right? After all, the theme was "Moving Forward".

Highlights:
-basketball (is back!), lost to Canada, felt guilty
-dodgeball (manager?)
-cemetery
-seeing old faces
-carrying around/selling tshirts
-gatorades/java monsters
-gabby and buttcheeks and andrews jackson

Now, I finally got my break from everything when I made my leave for SHOUT. I could finally escape this town of Tampa and be immersed in holiness for a little bit. The moment I left for Antioch, I could feel a great weight lifting my shoulders. I can't really explain SHOUT to anyone who wasn't there, but if you were, you know what I mean. I'm trying hard to generalize it into the categories of "incredible" or "amazing" because I choose not to deteroriate its effect on me.
Anyway. you don't really wanna hear any of this, so I'm done.

Highlights:
-HA. thats funny.

But seriously...
I was praying this whole week about where God is really calling me, and I really feel like I belong in the Philippines. My dad wants me sign up for USF Orientation but I really dont want to right now. If I stay here for a sem, I will have no motivation or no goal. Just emptiness. I would rather work and read/study on my own and help around the house and continue practice and workouts. I really want to be in the Philippines. You have no idea. Everything leads to there. At least prayerwise...
It all works out. It really does. I'm being pulled there by God. I just have to put in the work to fufill the will of God. I have so many opportunities there. And so much to desire for. It truly is there in the Philippines that I belong. Now, am I willing to sacrifce and dedicate my work to this? There is tons of work for me to complete and I still have a lot of maturing to do, as well as stepping up and out to do. For that, I continue to pray. I also wish that I could explain this feeling to my family. I never really show it, but I really want this. I think my family sees me as a weak individual who's simply misguided and is unwilling to work on it. But I really do have a goal. I'm just very scared of rejection and confronting those I really care about. I would love to just sit them down and talk them through it, because I really need their help, but I'm terrified. I just am.

Gahh, sorry. That was way too long. Total rant/emotional spill going down there. It's late for me now.




Prayed the Divine Mercy and Rosary today, and went to Mass. How long can I keep it up? Who knows? Pray for me?

keep it up,
-rob